I was having a good day until I walked in this house and every one in this damn house had to hit me with their stank ass attitudes and negative energy. I asked my dad for a pen, one damn pen, and he got an attitude with me asking to pay him $1.98 for it. What the absolute fuck! I need a break from this house…
"If it doesn’t nourish your soul, get rid of it."
"So therefore I dedicate myself to myself, to my art, my sleep, my dreams, my labors, my suffrances, my loneliness, my unique madness, my endless absorption and hunger - because I cannot dedicate myself to any fellow being."
Fuck me until
my ability to
Not everyone is going to want, accept, or know how to receive your energy. Make peace with it and move on.
Just look at life with more playful eyes. Don’t be serious. Seriousness becomes like a blindness. Don’t pretend to be a thinker, a philosopher. Just simply be a human being. The whole world is showering its joy on you in so many ways, but you are too serious, you cannot open your heart.
— Osho (via perfect)
"Yesterday, I spent 60 dollars on groceries,
took the bus home,
carried both bags with two good arms back to my studio apartment
and cooked myself dinner.
You and I may have different definitions of a good day.
This week, I paid my rent and my credit card bill,
worked 60 hours between my two jobs,
only saw the sun on my cigarette breaks
and slept like a rock.
Flossed in the morning,
locked my door,
and remembered to buy eggs.
My mother is proud of me.
It is not the kind of pride she brags about at the golf course.
She doesn’t combat topics like, ”My daughter got into Yale”
with, ”Oh yeah, my daughter remembered to buy eggs”
But she is proud.
See, she remembers what came before this.
The weeks where I forgot how to use my muscles,
how I would stay as silent as a thick fog for weeks.
She thought each phone call from an unknown number was the notice of my suicide.
These were the bad days.
My life was a gift that I wanted to return.
My head was a house of leaking faucets and burnt-out lightbulbs.
Depression, is a good lover.
So attentive; has this innate way of making everything about you.
And it is easy to forget that your bedroom is not the world,
That the dark shadows your pain casts is not mood-lighting.
It is easier to stay in this abusive relationship than fix the problems it has created.
Today, I slept in until 10,
cleaned every dish I own,
fought with the bank,
took care of paperwork.
You and I might have different definitions of adulthood.
I don’t work for salary, I didn’t graduate from college,
but I don’t speak for others anymore,
and I don’t regret anything I can’t genuinely apologize for.
And my mother is proud of me.
I burned down a house of depression,
I painted over murals of greyscale,
and it was hard to rewrite my life into one I wanted to live
But today, I want to live.
I didn’t salivate over sharp knives,
or envy the boy who tossed himself off the Brooklyn bridge.
I just cleaned my bathroom,
did the laundry,
called my brother.
Told him, “it was a good day."
"You deserve friends. You deserve love. You deserve love when its tough, when its awkward, when: what does it look like to love someone who lives in a place we’ve never been."
"Because love, love is never finished. It circles and circles, the memories out of order and not always complete."
"More and more I found myself at a loss for words and didn’t want to hear other people talking either. Their conversations seemed false and empty. I preferred to look at the sea, which said nothing and never made you feel alone."
The Paris Wife (Paula McLain)
This quote explains perfectly how I’ve been feeling. I was trying to explain this to a friend and he just wasn’t understanding me. Something about most people that makes me feel alone. Their vibes, their energy, their words, it all seems so false. I just want to connect with a genuine soul. Is that to much to ask for?
How do you guys approach love? I used to be a “fly over hills and mountains, do anything to make it work for love” type of girl but I’ve found myself backing away from it. It seems that approach got me into a lot of trouble and I never got that effort in return. I would do anything and everything for that person for the relationship to work and they would never do the same. So somewhere down the line I stopped and but I wonder am I doing enough. What do you guys think it wrong? Is the approach wrong or just the amount of effort?